7 Ways to Fill Your Empty Nest with Adventure
This article was originally published on Your View From Home.
How to make the empty nest years the best years.
As we’re ushering our daughters into the pseudo-adulthood of college, anticipating our soon-to-be empty nest, I’m a bubbling cauldron of emotions. Our older daughter is in her third year of college and our youngest, her senior year of high school. Bittersweet is often used to describe this time, but I find it lacking. It feels more like emotional whiplash. A swell of pride one minute and the urge to beg them to stay the next, all the while knowing that at some point and no matter what, the kids will move on.
Similarly, my feelings swing widely when I look ahead to the empty nest years. My husband, Ryan, and I have spent hours dreaming of and planning for this season of life. I feel giddy at the thought of packing up for a weekend away without having to figure out the kids. But then I find myself eating an early dinner beside him, one that includes foods that crunch and does not include the distraction of chatty teenagers. And as I listen to him chew, I wonder, how will we make it when it’s just the two of us?
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome describes the feelings of grief, loss of purpose, and anxiety that some parents experience when the last adult child moves out of the house. While empty nest syndrome is not a medical diagnosis or psychiatric condition, it’s very real for some parents as their last child moves out.
When children launch from the family home, there are necessary readjustments within the family that occur. The changes are all encompassing, from the practical: daily routines and expectations, to the more abstract: relationship dynamics and roles within the family. It’s natural for all families to experience changes in how their family operates as adult children leave the “nest”.
It’s normal for caregivers to have a hard time adjusting to a home without children after decades of daily parenting. While some parents relish the freedom, others can feel a sense of worthlessness, struggle to find purpose, and have trouble finding a role outside of Mom or Dad. It’s important to note that if you’re experiencing symptoms of depression for longer than a couple of weeks, consider seeking help from a licensed therapist.
How Long Does it Last?
Most parents do not have prolonged feelings of distress associated with being empty nesters. Instead, it’s more common to have a brief period of adjustment and loss, followed by more positive responses. Good outcomes associated with an empty nest include, a better relationship with your spouse, improved relationships with adult children, more time for yourself, relief from the pressures of daily parenting, and a general sense of renewal.
Since every family is different and each parent’s response will be unique, it’s difficult to say how long empty nest syndrome will last. It’s likely that it will vary from family to family. Some parents will move through more difficult feelings in a few weeks and for others, it can last years. Most parents experience symptoms for a few months.
7 Ways to Fill Your Empty Nest with Adventure
We are keenly aware that our time is coming and we’re having fun anticipating and even practicing. No matter where you are in this journey, whether you’re on the precipice or in the throes of the empty nest years, here are some ways to make them the best years.
(Not included in the list below but highly suggested: listening to music during shared meals with loud chewers can make all the difference!)
1. Pack a weekender.
With the kids gone, weekends might feel empty without their constant activity. That’s why it’s the perfect opportunity for a road trip. It’s easy to find places nearby that are just right for a weekend away. Or head to one of these best places for a quick trip. Explore a new location you’ve never been, enjoy a hike or local entertainment, and connect with your spouse. A couple of days away can do wonders for your soul and your marriage.
Helen is a charming village tucked in the Blueridge Mountains, just an hour from our home in Georgia. A quick Google search is all you need to discover your next destination. Charming villages abound– find yours today!
2. Try a new hobby.
The childrearing years are spent, well… rearing children. This often chaotic stage can leave little time to explore, practice, and hone your own interests. Here’s your chance to find a new hobby, one you can enjoy on your own or with your spouse.
Let your creativity blossom as you brainstorm ideas, from painting to hiking to cooking, your opportunities are limitless. Sign up for a ballroom dance class with your partner. Something fun to do together and it makes a great date night. Bonus: you’ll tear up the dance floor at weddings.
When Ryan and I moved to Atlanta several years ago, we both took up tennis. We play separately on mens’ and womens’ teams as well as together on mixed doubles teams. It’s been a great way to spend time together and stay fit. And if you haven’t heard, pickleball is taking over the world! Another fun thing for couples to do together.
3. Find an outlet.
It can be challenging to manage so many new emotions during such a trying time. This is a significant transition and finding healthy avenues for your feelings can bring a sense of calm, peace, and acceptance. Expressing yourself through art, talking to a trusted friend, or finding a therapist are all excellent ways to funnel those often-overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
Writing is a powerful way to increase mindfulness, perspective, and balance, offering an opportunity to better understand yourself and your journey. A brand-new journal, your favorite pen, and a promise to write routinely are beautiful ways to work through this time.
Sometimes these feelings can be too much to handle alone. Know the signs and symptoms to look for and know when to reach out for help.
4. Find your people.
Sending the last kid off to college can sometimes be lonely and isolating. There is no longer the bustle and familiarity of children at home, your routines are disrupted, and you might find yourself troubled by the sudden quiet and solitude. Leaning into the people around you who are going through the same thing can go a long way to create connection and remind you that you’re not alone.
Invite your besties over. Plan that night out. Take the trip!
Plan a weekly coffee with other parents who are also empty nesters, host a dinner party with good friends, or plan a guys’ or girls’ trip and celebrate your freedom. Remember that being empty nesters can be fun! These are some excellent ways to support each other and create exciting and enjoyable events to look forward to.
5. Make a bucket list.
Chances are, you have a list of places you’ve always wanted to visit and things you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe you just haven’t had the time, you haven’t made it a priority, or maybe your recent vacations have all been college visits. Now’s your chance! Take a look at your list, set your intention, and go out and live your best life. If you don’t have a bucket list, make one.
Planning a trip gives a sense of purpose and adventure, the joy of anticipation, and injects life with a thrill of excitement. Choose a destination, book the lodging, and put together an itinerary… planning is almost as fun as the vacation itself!
6. Date your spouse.
Parenting is all consuming and can easily overwhelm all your sensibilities and engages you physically, emotionally, and mentally. While you’re raising kids, your marriage can sometimes be put on the backburner. Now that the children are nearing graduation, college, or independent adulthood, it’s an excellent time to prioritize time with your partner. Make time every day to catch up and connect, to talk about your day, and be sure to plan a date night once a week.
Of course, we suggest making date nights a priority throughout your marriage, even (and maybe especially) when kids are young and so much more demanding of your energy. A strong, connected marriage is the backbone of a healthy family and setting regular date nights is an easy, fun way to do it.
As you near the empty nest years, it’s never been more important. If you find regular time with your spouse lacking, start incorporating more time together. Date nights can range from elaborate, all-out affairs like a concert downtown to dinner and a movie. It can even be as simple as spending time together on your couch. Light a candle, turn on some music, and spend a few hours together.
My husband and I try and plan at least one, official date night a month where it’s just the two of us. Some of our favorite experiences have been catching a Broadway show at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta, grabbing dinner at a favorite spot, and planning a day hike. We also frequently meet on the back porch for happy hour or, more recently, on the couch by the fire.
7. Visit those kids.
As much fun as being empty nesters is, you’ll probably still miss your children… eventually. As soon as they get really fun and interesting, they leave! Hanging out with your adult (or perhaps more appropriately, adultish) kids is one of the highlights of parenting. As our daughters have gotten older, our friendships have deepened, they are considerably more delightful, and we find them increasingly more enjoyable. We look forward to that only getting better with each passing year.
So, whether it’s for a special weekend, a celebration, or just because, make it a point to spend time with your grownup kids. Plan a weekend at their university and experience all their favorite things. Meet their friends, eat at a beloved restaurant, and walk the campus.
Lean into the adventure, delight in the journey, and enjoy the ride!
Imagine that you’ve dropped the last kid off at college and you and your spouse are heading back to a quiet house (well, except for all the chewing). But instead of feeling sad or lost, there is a lightness in the freedom it brings. You’re excited by the opportunity to try new things. And now you have the time to take the trips you’ve always talked about but never done. Instead of feeling a sense of loneliness, you’re excited about and looking forward to this new season of life.
Conclusion
Empty nest syndrome is a deeply personal experience for each parent and for some, it can be serious enough to require professional intervention. But for parents and families who find themselves able to successfully make it beyond the more negative symptoms and looking forward to the empty nest years, it can be a season of self-discovery, marital renewal, and adventure.
As you approach and navigate the years after your children have launched from home, getting a plan in place and focusing on a few things to get excited about can help make these some of the best years of your life. Nothing can replace those tender years when your kids were little and there will likely always be some nostalgia associated with that phase of life. But with some effort and intention, the empty nest years can be some of the best ones!
